Skizofreni

Til min nyeste youtube video skrev jeg et digt om skizofreni. Her er digtet, hvis I har lyst til at læse det.

Schizophrenia. The world I live in is different from yours. In my world the walls talk and furniture dance around. In my world I am the reason why people die. I am a death walker. Where I walk, there is death. 

But am I mad? Am I evil? Or am I chosen? For something great? For disaster? Or for an ordinary life with mediocre happiness and love. 

They say that I am sick. That I have a genetic predisposition for insanity. That is the reason for my madness. Hearing voices and seeing ghosts. Living a nightmare which I can’t wake from. 

She said she is my twin. I look at her and she glares at me. Grins at my life in secrecy. What did she say, she wanted to gain? Oh, my twin, does she see my pain? We are united like sheep in a fold. Never to see what the other side holds. What was it like when she was not there? Before I had heard her voice and words of care? Is she a demon sent from hell? Sent here to put me under her spell. 

I thought that I was just depressed. But reality is, that I have another illness, which cannot easily be explained. I live in fear of the world. I live in fear of myself and my thoughts. If my thoughts can kill, no one will be safe around me. I love my family. I love my friends. And I can’t bear the thought of never seeing them again. But I feel like I am a danger to their lives. That is what the illness wants me to think. So I stay with them and show them my love. 

I let them know that I am sick. And that I never meant to harm anyone. So if I ever hurt anyone. I am sorry... There’s parts of my brain which I don’t understand. 

Because sometimes I hear screams of death and it feels likeI have lost control over my head. But sometimes the voices are gentle and nice - like they're trying to give me their best advice. But what is their motif? Why are they there? Other than to give me a complete scare. 

I have schizophrenia.